What lies behind the mask?????

Woke up this morning at exactly 3.20am for reasons I don’t know. I didn’t have a nightmare, I just work up with a lot of negativity around me. The past couple of days has really been crazy but I’ve been trying really hard to stay focused and positive. My head felt like it was going to explode, my heart was racing, I couldn’t even dare wake my sister up to tell her how I was feeling. I wish my life was different.
I kept thinking maybe just maybe I must have done something terrible in my past life for my present life to be so messed up! Yes I feel its so messed up because I know all the plans I had as a child and believe me I’m no where near it.
I know I sound ungrateful now, a lot of people will kill to be in my shoes right now, but I seriously wish they could all see what really hides behind the mask!
People around me thinks my life is perfect, she has a cute boyfriend, she dresses well, she’s always happy, she has a huge bank account and all that crap which by the way not all are true. Yes I have a cute boyfriend, yes I dress well, but about the happy part, I’m not so sure. I’m a 30 year old living with her sister and her wonderful family, jobless, and broke!
I’m trying to set up my business again and the cash isn’t forth coming. One of my debtors actually insulted me yesterday, which by the way she will regret every word she said to me by Monday morning. Yes she will, by the time I finish with her on Monday, she’ll be jobless like me and learn to talk nicely to people she’s owing. After holding my money for over a year she still has the nerves to insult me over the phone! Unfortunately for her, she’s my scapegoat if only she knew what was coming for her. Anyway I’m not talking again so I don’t jinx my actions on Monday.

Hanging out later tonight with a few girlfriends, I hope to get very drunk because I think that’s the only time I get a decent sleep. I just hope and pray something exciting happens today, I could use a little of that.

Well I’m off to see what to day brings.



Fashion and fun loving. Loves pictures and not afraid to take on challenges.

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